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Dating Someone From Another Social Class: Looking For Hookups!

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Dating Someone from Outside of Your Socioeconomic Class

Marrying out of your social class will be hard, but not doomed — Quartz

Well, I know it sounds funny and I'm sure you Yelpers will pounce on me for this but even in this extermely fluid, tolerant, socioeconomic stew that we call home-- there are still social classes --or whatever other term you want to use for. I married a man from a different social class and as the years passed it became more and more of a disaster. He became more and more working class, and I became less and less myself. To give what may seem a trivial example: When first married we ate at the table, a properly laid table - what I thought of. 19 Jan I come from a middle class family and more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I feel like we click so well online, but I can't imagine us meshing in real life because of our different social classes. I don't wear name brand clothing and don't have a desire to even if I were rich. I can't imagine me fitting into any of.

Cinderella marries Prince Charming. Aladdin weds Princess Jasmine. In 50 Shades of GreyAna falls for Christian. From fairy tales to adult films, we are exposed to a repeated idea: In fiction, cross-class relationships either end in marriage and happily-ever-after, or else in dissolution and even death.

But what happens in real life? Last year, I set out to answer this question by interviewing college-educated men and women who had married partners from different class backgrounds, for my book The Power of link Past: Not surprisingly, their relationships had little in common with the romances we see in the movies.

Class had shaped each spouse so much that the people I interviewed had more in common with strangers. Most couples maintained that their class differences were behind them after marriage, as they now shared a bank account, a home, and a life.

Dating Someone From Another Social Class

Yet, by analyzing how individuals talked about themselves, their partners, and their marriages, I discovered that this was far from the truth. Class had shaped each spouse so much that the people I interviewed had more in common with strangers who shared their class background than with their husbands and wives. How could this be? People who grew up in households without much money, predictability, or power, learn strategies to deal with the unexpected events that crop up in their lives.

Often, these strategies are variations of going with the flow and taking things as they come. Isabelle, for example, is the daughter of a farmer and a bartender. All the survey participants have been given pseudonyms. They did not know when a debt collector would call.

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With little she could do to change the situation, Isabelle learned to go with the flow. She would not think too much about money, but spend as she needed to get by. People who grew up with parents who had more money, job security, and power grow up with more stable lives. In these conditions, they learn that managing their resources makes sense—both because their lives are predictable enough read more they can plan and because their resources are plentiful enough that they can make meaningful choices.

Spouses with middle-class backgrounds wanted to manage their resources by planning. Leslie, another woman who participated in the study, grew up the daughter of a manager.

"It's hard not to be a little bit jealous sometimes."

Her family had enough money and power that they had options. They could decide whether to spend money to go on a vacation or to invest in private school. Either way, their plan could be carried through. This difference—taking a hands-off approach or a hands-on one—followed individuals from their pasts and into their marriages.

I am ex military myself. We learn from each other. Here's the issue I see, OP.

It shaped nearly every aspect link their adult lives. In regards to money, work, housework, leisure, time, parenting, and emotions, people with working-class roots wanted to go with the flow and see what happened, while their spouses with middle-class backgrounds wanted to manage their resources by planning, monitoring, and organizing.

Dating Someone From Another Social Class

The couples had a lot to negotiate. Should money be spent according to gut feeling or only as the carefully-created budget allowed?

Maybe after a couple of years. They did not know when a debt collector would call. You don't have to want someone that's the same as you, you can choose to simply have partner's that walk beside you, you on your personal journey and they on theirs, rather than trying to stay on the same path. In the end though, we meet somewhere in the middle and make it work. As an ambitious 19 year old you should not be thinking about tying yourself down to any guy.

Should careers unfold as they may, or should specific career trajectories be planned and sought out? Should emotions be expressed as they are felt, or only after they have been carefully considered and an appropriate response has been formulated?

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Should kids be nurtured but let to grow, or should goals and schedules be set for them? One couple I talked to experienced these differences profoundly.

Vicki grew up as the daughter of an upper-level manager while her husband John grew up the son of two factory workers. Vicki, a teacher, plotted how to become a superintendent. John, a restaurant manager, kept his eyes open for opportunities but did not plot how to get from one job to another. John believed he should meet his kids before deciding on how to parent them and that it was not his place to decide who they should become.

We need to schedule! We need to be neurotic! It will always get done. Most of the Dating Someone From Another Social Class I spoke with found ways to work out these differences, and their lives were much Dating Someone From Another Social Class mundane than a movie would dramatize.

But despite years of marriage, two usually did not become one; marriage did not magically transform the less privileged partner into a person who easily fit into their new class. Nevertheless, the movies do get some things right. Despite the more info negotiations that living in a cross-class marriage entails, love can cross class lines and couples can live a real-life version of happily-ever-after.

Many of the couples I interviewed had been together over half of their lives, and all signs suggested they would be together for many years to come. We welcome your comments at ideas qz.